A Guide to Naming Church Babies
My wife: "Is this supposed to be funny?"
Happy New Year! I am working hard on an important new series for our newsletter: the role of MUSIC in corporate worship. Watch for it later this month!
As I finish editing that weightier series, let me share something lighthearted—a (5 minute) guide to naming church babies.
Christian parents try to choose the perfect name for their newborns. It’s a big responsibility and a real joy, but not everybody does it right. Shakespeare asked, “What’s in a name?” So, having spent over forty years in churches, I offer this advice for naming children at a conservative church.
Boy Names
Choosing a first name for a newborn boy is not hard. In general, give a son a strong, heroic, biblical name. Choose a biblical name like Daniel (“God is my judge”), Samuel (“God has heard”), or Aragorn (“Man of Númenór”).
Not every biblical name is appropriate, however. A child named “Cain” will face hard questions from other church children about his birthmark.
Choosing a middle name is more difficult. There are three methods: (1) The Double Old Testament Name, (2) the Prophet and Reformer Combination, or (3) the Biblical Theology Medley. (I use Swedish last names to reflect my experience.)
The Double Old Testament Name
There are many great Double Old Testament Name options. Name a son “Jacob Boaz Lindholm.” I would hire someone named “Jacob Boaz Lindholm” and then I’d let him court my daughter. Name a son “Jonathan David Bloom” and when he grows up, he will become his own best friend.
The more adventurous version of the Double Old Testament name is the Double Prophet’s name: “Isaiah Jeremiah Andersson.” Reserve the Double Prophet’s name for the child born wearing a cloak and beard; feed him Gerber’s locust and wild honey puree.
The Prophet Reformer Combination
There are many great names among the Old Testament prophets and Reformers, so the Prophet Reformer Combo is very popular at conservative churches. Combine any two for a name that sizzles (e.g., “Nathan Owen Svensson” or “Samuel Sibbes Carlson”).
More adventurous parents skip the Reformation and choose a name from another era in church history. Be careful. “Athanasius” is an approved choice, but if you name a boy “Aquinas Barth Anderson,” you’ll receive raised eyebrows from your Sunday School teacher. If you name a boy “Schleiermacher Harnack Elfson,” you’ll receive church discipline from your elders.
Avoid the risk, play it safe, and simply call the boy “Jonathan Edwards Carlson,” so we can all see the-end-for-which you’ve named your son.
The Biblical Theology Medley
The third category is the Biblical Theology Medley. For this paradigm, choose boy names from both the Old and New Testaments, letting people know you’ve read the entire Bible (e.g., “Joshua Titus Karlsson” or “Caleb Timothy Peterson”). Name a boy “Seth Immanuel Anderson” and when you yell his name to call him for dinner, you preach a sermon!
Names to avoid in the Biblical Theology Medley are obvious. People will wonder if your son steals things if you named him “Achan Ananias Anderson.” And if your son is named “Adam Noah Abraham Moses David Second-Adam,” people will know you’re a try-hard covenant theologian who wants your son to hate you.
Girl Names
Girls’ names are easier. Christians love female names that are biblical virtues or fruits of the Spirit. Name your daughter “Mercy Faith Larsson” and the whole church approves. Choose simple and classy names like Emma, Olivia, and Charlotte. Aim to be Austen-tatious without being ostentatious. A word of warning: naming a daughter “Prudence Self-Control Gustafsson” is both uncalled for and unloving.
Plenty of wonderful female names in the Bible are waiting to be discovered. Your church has plenty of Abigails and Hannahs, Esthers and Ruths. When will it be time for Shiphrah and Puah, Damaris and Huldah? Be careful, though; some names are simply too weird. “Dorcas” was an admirable lady, but even she went by “Tabitha.”
Greek words make beautiful, feminine names: “Alethia” means “truth,” and “Zoe” means “life,” but naming your daughter “Aleph” lets everyone know that you dropped that Hebrew class after the first day.
Finally, if someone names their daughter “Piper Noel Andersson,” we all know what they’re doing. And we approve.
Some girl names ought to be avoided. The Bible omits the names of the worst women. Mrs. Job said, “Curse God and die,” and her name was left out. Mrs. Lot turned back to Sodom and was a-salted; her name was left out. What were their first names? No one knows, but my guess is “Jadis.”
No matter how hard the labor and delivery, resist the urge to name a daughter “Lo-Ammi Erickson” or, it should go without saying, “Jephthah Vow Jorgensen.”
Old Fashioned Names
Beware of the trend giving infant girls old-fashioned names. Stifle your laugh when new parents announce their newborn daughter is named “Edna” or “Myrtle.” With an antiquated middle name, you get clunky combinations like “Bertha Fern Karlsson,” “Gertrude Maude Torgelson,” or the slightly more biblical “Rhoda Agnes Anderson.”
These fine ladies will bring the best desserts to the church’s potluck, but it goes against my instincts to see a tiny infant, swaddled in a pink blanket with a feminine floral headband, and think to myself: “Why, hello there, Mildred.”
So, yes, Mr. Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But, please, if you’re near a brand-new baby, judge not its sweetness by either its smell or its name. We recognize our children as gifts of God and give heartfelt thanks for God’s blessing.
Thanks to my boys: Ethan John (Bib. Theology), Owen Samuel (Prophet-Reformer Combo), and Levi Daniel (Double OT).
Apologies to “Jacob Boaz Lindholm.” I have no daughters.
This was brilliantly written! I named my son John Silas Strength
What about female prophet names? Miriam Huldah anyone lol?