Praise and Purity
Pursing Relational Integrity in Upfront Ministry
Worship team members lead their congregations to celebrate God’s greatness and goodness through music. It is a demanding task, drawing on a team’s musical skill, spiritual maturity, and personal integrity. It is also rewarding, both for connecting with God and connecting with fellow believers in relationships. Some of the dearest friendships of my life have been formed through the shared experience of corporate worship.
But we must also notice that the close bonds formed through shared ministry can spark unexpected and inappropriate attractions.
Affairs often germinate from innocent friendships that evolve into deeper emotional attachments and physical affection.[1] Scripture warns us to “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). I consider this wisdom to be especially relevant in ministry settings where emotional expression connects with musical passions.
How can we recognize and guard against these temptations so our relationships and ministry please the Lord?
Warning Signs
Relational sins almost never emerge fully formed. They grow. Watch for these common warning signs in smaller interactions as you seek to safeguard your heart and ministry.
Three signs are more common at the beginning of relational sins.
First, relational sins often begin with a disproportionate amount of pursuit. Creating reasons to spend extra time with a particular team member outside of rehearsals and services can lead to emotional entanglement.
Second, relationships cross into inappropriate areas through disclosure. Friendships are built when we share our lives with each other. Unhealthy relationships are built when a person discloses to others team members topics that should be discussed only with your spouse. Emotional intensity may signal an unhealthy attachment.
Third, pursuit and disclosure are built and maintained through proximity. Closeness warrants caution. Casual contact that transforms into lingering touches indicates danger.
Two additional signs should prompt immediate reevaluation and action. First, watch out for comparison. If you catch yourself favorably comparing a team member to your spouse, it’s time to reevaluate your heart’s condition. Second, be aware of secrecy. If you conceal conversations or interactions from your partner or other team members, you have crossed boundaries.
Setting Godly Boundaries
Paul exhorts us to “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). As worship leaders and team members, establish and maintain clear boundaries. Consider these four values when setting these boundaries.
Open Communication. Talk to your spouse about what both of you consider appropriate and inappropriate interactions and behavior for your worship team friendships. While I don’t think everyone needs to follow the exact same rule, spouses should agree on boundaries on topics like time alone with opposite-sex friends, car rides, and one-on-one projects.
Include Spouses. When possible, invite spouses to team gatherings. This promotes transparency, shared community, and wholistic interactions.
Limit One-on-One Time. Avoid extended periods alone with team members of the opposite sex, especially in isolated settings.
Guard Your Heart Online. Exercise caution with social media interactions and private messaging with team members. It should go without saying, but no longer can, but using the internet to view pornography, follow an ex, or flirt with someone who is not your spouse should fire off warning flares in your heart and mind. If you are ignoring these warning flares, watch out!
Nurturing Your Marriage
Jesus taught, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Investing in your marriage and family relationships fortifies your foundation.
Invest. A marriage is like a garden. Whatever is planted in your marriage grows, whether resentment or affection. Plant gospel seeds of repentance and forgiveness as you connect emotionally and spiritually with your partner. Invest time and resources. Date nights or vacations as a couple, reading books on marriage or attending a marriage retreat—these things provide your relationship with shared language and memories, the stuff great marriages are filled with.
Affirmation. Be sure your public and private words concerning your marriage and spouse reflect the love and commitment that God calls you to have for them.
Counsel. Consider pastoral counseling or marriage enrichment programs to strengthen your relationship.
Accountability. Find a mature Christian mentor or accountability partner within your church. Share struggles and temptations with them.
Remember, a worship team’s goal is to glorify God and lead others in celebrating his greatness and his goodness. Paul reminds us to “run that you may obtain [the prize]” (1 Corinthians 9:24). Pursuing purity in relationships is an effort, but it is well worth the effort. Thriving family relationships and pure ministry relationships testify to God’s love and holiness.
Conclusion
Worship team members have the privilege and responsibility of leading others in celebrating God’s character and work. By recognizing potential dangers, setting clear boundaries, and nurturing our primary relationships, we can guard the purity and effectiveness of our ministry.
The apostle Paul appeals to us, “by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1).
May our lives and our worship bring glory to God and inspire others to draw near to Him.
[1] Much of this article was inspired by the research from David Schramm, https://ifstudies.org/blog/to-avoid-unfaithful-friendships-invest-in-your-marriage. Draws insights from Debra Macleod, Couples in Crisis.
Thanks, Matthew! Timely.