Worship Leaders and the Groomsmen
A leadership model for music ministry
Last week, I wrote about worship leading lessons from a bike ride. This week, I’d like us to consider a second illustration for serving in worship ministry: the groomsman. (Don’t worry, ladies; a more feminine illustration is coming soon.)
I first heard this illustration from Kevin DeYoung and then found some great biblical precedent from John the Baptist’s description of his ministry as “the friend of the bridegroom” (John 3:29). But don’t blame either of those good men for this post—the elaborations are mine.
A worship service is not a wedding, but there is a sense in which it is a sort of “marriage vow renewal ceremony.” Have you ever attended one? It’s just what you’d picture—a husband and his wife gather with family and friends and renew the covenant vows they promised to one another years ago.
In one sense, a Sunday morning worship service is a ceremony where a church family having previously trusted Christ, renews their vows as a covenant community to the Lord Jesus and to one another.
Worship leaders can find (at least) two lessons from the role of the groomsman. First, …
Lesson One: Don't Flirt with the Bride.
Following this analogy, a worship leader is a groomsman who should not flirt with the bride. She (the church) is not with you and she isn't going to be with you.
Knock it off.
Worship leaders should be honest enough to admit that it feels exciting to receive attention from the congregation. Everyone enjoys the feeling of other people noticing and affirming their efforts and skills. In my experience, people who perform for others seem to like the affirmation more than most.
But in the context of a church service, this “noticing” and “affirming” can totter and topple quite easily. Ever heard things like this after a service?
“Sure. Jesus is great but I really like the way you play that the guitar. You were, like, strumming, all six of those strings.”
Or
“There’s lots of talented singers at this church, but you are my favorite.”
Or, my favorite,
“When you play the piano, I can hear the Holy Spirit.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I answered, “but what you are actually hearing is simply the damper pedal!”
Worship musicians must be careful and vigilant. Many musical occasions are custom built to highlight a performer’s uniqueness, skills, and personal flair. But a worship service is not one of them.
Friends, do not flirt with Christ’s bride. Instead, labor to ensure that after the worship service ends and the church disbands, she leaves with the groom in her heart and not just the worship leader in her ears.
And, just a hint, consider one of the ways a groomsman finds this balance. They dress to honor the occasion and also to blend in. Capiche?
That brings us to our second lesson . . .
Lesson Two: Have the Ring Ready
Groomsmen have one job: have the ring the ring ready, and don’t faint (okay, they might have more than one job).
The pastor asks, “What symbols have you brought of your promises that you're making today?”
The couple answers, “These rings.”
And then everyone looks at the groomsman. It's his turn. The whole reason he is here.
(An aside: We’ve all been to the wedding where the couple didn’t trust the lovable, yet undependable groomsman with the ring, instead giving it to a bridesmaid. But, fellas, do your duty! A bridesmaid dress doesn’t have pockets!)
For worship leaders, what might “having the ring ready” involve?
It means having the powerpoint typed and proofread. It means the band and singers have rehearsed so that they are not anxious to perform their musical tasks. It means having the introductions, transitions, and key changes prepared.
In this world, things might will go wrong will go wrong in the presenting of a worship service, but faithful worship leaders work hard to ensure that those problems did not begin during the planning and preparation process.
You have a job to do. Get it done.
Again, if people leave a wedding ceremony talking about the groomsmen, something went horribly wrong. Be ready. Do your job. Don't flirt with the girl.
And I’ll see you next week.
Bonus wedding advice
To my young friends who are planning a wedding ceremony, consider the unity candle. I know, I know. It’s sooo traditional. The symbolism is strange (e.g., after the ceremony, Who is going to blow out this symbol of your love? I suggest neither of the mothers-in-law).
But every other option that I’ve ever seen is far worse.
Foot washing? Some great scriptural precedent here, and it works well for the bride with her dainty, pedicured, Cinderella-like feet. But have you ever tried to put a lengthy dress sock onto a man’s wet foot? Try it privately before you attempt it in front of your family, and your friends, and your pastor.
Mixing colored sand? I like the Genesis 22:17 allusion, but pouring sand seems like a New Agey or a failed slam-poetry device, not a metaphor for your newly committed lives.
Communion? A trendy choice, but it ecclesiologically suspicious.
Your best option is the unity candle. In the words of Randy Stonehill, “Light a candle; everything’s alright.”
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